Thank God for Good Friends!

Thank God for good friends! A night without kids. I don’t even know what to do with myself. When I told my girlfriend (who has so graciously offered to keep the girls for the night) that I plan to first head to the gym she asks, “On your night without kids that’s what you’re going to do? Go to the gym?” I answered, “Exactly – go to the gym, WITHOUT kids.” While I am incredibly thankful that our base offers a facility with both workout equipment for me, and a playground for the kids, it is still not the same as going to the gym to work out and totally dedicate myself to the task at hand. I am forever aware and even distracted by what the girls are doing. As I run on the treadmill, I watch. I constantly watch. I count; one, two three….one, two, three…one, two, you get the idea. It is working out in pseudo-insanity, paranoia-ridden state. So tonight a quick 5K accompanied by the indulgence of wearing headphones seemed like bliss!

I could not decide what to do with the rest of my evening and wrestled between going to the movies and going fishing. I took the girls fishing last night (I am sure to have a much longer and more thoroughly detailed separate blog about that disaster later) and thought it might be nice to go alone tonight and get a little solo practice in before our next attempt at the life aquatic. In the end I decided to come home, draw a bath, pour a glass of wine and start a new book. After my relaxing soak I rented “The Road” on Direct TV and although I should have been prepared having already read Cormac MaCarthy’s apocalyptic downer I still found myself in clenching my teeth in anxiety wanting to hold my girls close to me.

And that leaves me here. Still only a little after midnight so I know my insomnia will keep me up for at least a few more hours, and I am unsure what to do with myself. There is so much to be done and so little motivation to do it. I know it has been forever since I blogged. I would apologize for such a lapse only I am not really sure who that apology would go to. I guess anyone who might be curious for an update. I have wanted to write so many nights and have simply not been able to put my blog high enough on my priority list for it to happen in a long time. I feel somehow guilty taking time away from my other obligations to write.

Ah and there is the answer! My phone just beeped to notify me that I have a text message. I am almost certain it is the hubby with a request for me to call him. There is something so odd about getting a text message from Afghanistan. I’m not sure why that is. Just the notion of all those little letters traveling through cyberspace from one country nearly a world away all coming together to form coherent words and meaning on my little phone resting on the bed seems somehow magical. I will give an update and list excuses for my long absence. I will, but right now I must call my hubby! And then to bed – maybe I will even sleep in tomorrow – what a crazy thought!

Running

Back to school! And thank God for that! Hubby chose to leave right in the middle of spring break, which was good because he was able to get in some extra time with the girls and bad because by the time he left they were bouncing off the walls – and my sanity with them! It was nice to get back into a little bit of a routine today.

Dani and I go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. There is a wonderful set-up on our military base where they have a playground/gym facility all in one. Dani can play while I work out on the equipment which is arranged in viewing position. It’s a fantastic idea and I don’t know why more places are not doing this. I run a few miles and then do some strength training. I hate to run. I have always hated to run. My Dad was the high school cross country and track coach so I’m sure a mental health expert would have a great deal of commentary to make here. I also hate to floss and I hate to put away clothes. I run and I floss because I know they are good for me and I should do it to be kind to my body – and a little easier on the eyes of anyone having to stand next to me. I’m not sure why I put away the clothes. I can think of no real benefit in that. In some ways it would be easier to just leave the clothes strewn about to sift through as one needed something. I do not think we are at a socially acceptable stage however for this sort of adolescent behavior to continue beyond high school so I guess I will continue to conform and put away the clothes. I actually enjoy folding clothes – sort of mind numbing – calming methodical process. Yes, I quite like to fold clothes – I’m mentally drifting to a pile of warm towels right now…. My train has de-railed where was I? Ah yes! Running – so I hate to run. I have made a promise to myself that I will not run more than 3 miles on Mondays and Wednesdays, and make Friday my only 5+ mile day. I have been gradually breaking my promise to myself however and find that I am almost always running at least 3.5 miles now and creeping ever closer to 7 on Fridays. Not a big deal – but that little voice inside my head is screaming – YOU SAID ONLY 3 MILES!! And where is it all going? For what purpose? I have no desire to enter a race or anything silly like that. So why am I running further and faster? Because I can? I can see how people develop running addictions. There is something sort of soothing and mentally cleansing about running, that repetitive foot thumping and rhythmic breathing. My brother tells me that there is nothing you can’t run from if you just go far enough. I’m afraid to test his theory out on the open road or I may never come back.